Bad Muse!
by Vampire Revenant
Summary: Two girls hire a new muse, Ville Valo, but after watching Labyrinth a few times and an incident involving his pants, he wishes them away.


Disclaimer: We do not own any of the Labyrinth characters, Ville, Linde, Burton, Gas, Mige, or Jyrki. If we did, well…we won't get into that. 

**_Note that Jareth does not appear anywhere but on the tv screen in this chapter. He will in the next one, trust me._**

It was as though two worlds had collided, connecting two haves into one awkward whole. In fact, that's usually what happened when Mel and Christina got together. Since they lived in two different parts of the US, the only way they could ever meet was to do so in their imaginations. On Mel's side, the furniture and walls were various shades of blue. The walls displayed posters of various football stars and musicians, almost covering the light blue walls completely. One the desk was a computer permanently connected to a fast internet (in other words, an internet that doesn't really exist), and the bookshelves were filled with novels by Stephen King, Dean Koontz, and VC Andrews-among others. A stereo in one corner sat beside a standing cd rack filled with "loud" music – bands like HIM, Marilyn Manson, AFI, Placebo, and Kill Hannah. Christina's side was darker, having black furniture against a wall that couldn't make up its mind on a single color. So, naturally, it changed color depending on what Christina wanted at the time (currently dark red). There were books on the floor, on the chairs, the desk, and a few even made it to the bookshelves themselves. Most of them were vampire related, being either novels or books on the folklore and history of the creatures. The walls were covered with photographs, magazine clippings, and band pictures, while the computer drowned in papers, books, and candy wrappers. This too had the perfect internet connection, and a few IM windows were blinking for attention on the task bar, yelling out "I wave my private parts at your aunties!" at Christina. The stereo was in her bedroom, but a few cds were stacked on top of the monitor – The Cure, HIM, Marilyn Manson, The Smiths, Alisha's Attic, Joe Bonamassa, and the like. The two halves of this house were held together by wooden boards that had been nailed over the jagged cracks in the ceiling, two of the walls, and the floor.

            The owners of this habitat were currently relaxing on their couch after a long day of interviewing potential muses. Various applications lay strewn about the floor at their feet, having been dropped there carelessly after all the unappealing applicants had left. Unfortunately, that was all of them except four that had yet to be interviewed.

            The couch had been split as well, Christina's sprawled out on the black half, and Mel reclining on the blue. 

            "I don't think I can deal with another interview…"

            "Only a few more, Christina. Only a few more…"

            Christina let out a tired sigh as the next hopeful boy came in. "Hello, sit down on the coffee table, and we'll get started on the interview," she said, her voice becoming a monotone.

            "Coffee table?" the boy repeated, looking a bit disappointed.

            "Don't ask questions – that's our job. You just sit," ordered Mel. The boy did as she told him, and sat down on the table, sulking slightly. Mel looked him over, as she had with every prospective muse to walk through the door. "What is your name?"

            "What is your quest?" Christina asked, giggling as Mel playfully hit her.

            "Josh. My name is Josh."

            "Oh! So that's what this chicken scratch says!" Christina said, peering at his application. "Alright, now what makes you think that you're qualified for the position of muse?" 

            Josh sat there for a moment, dumbfounded. "What do you mean? Just look at me! I'm hotter than Hell! How can I not inspire people?" With that said, he flexed his muscles thinking that it would impress them.

            Christina and Mel exchanged glances before Christina continued, "Right…Ok then, other than being…hot…what qualifications do you have?"

            "There are other qualifications?" he asked, confused.

            Mel rolled her eyes and looked at Christina. "Ok..thanks for coming, we'll get back to you."

            "Of course we will.." Christina said sarcastically, with a squeal as she received Mel's elbow in her ribs.

            Josh stood up, stared at the two girls for a moment, then walked off, sure he had gotten the job.

            Mel sighed loudly once Josh was out the door. "Please tell me they don't get any worse than him." Groaning, she fell back against a big, fluffy pillow that seemed to dwarf her.

            "There are other qualifications?" Christina asked, mimicking Josh while folding his application into a paper airplane. With a flick of her wrist, she launched it, and watched it land in the wastepaper basket.

            Mel clapped gleefully, and cried, "Two points!" She paused. "How many applications do we have left? This is starting to really worry me…"

            "It looks like three," Christina replied, "Still too many."

            "Let's just cross our fingers and hope one of these guys works out."

            "If not, we might have to sift through these things again." Christina gestured to the papers on the floor and shuddered.

            "Oh God no! I'd rather burn them all first! Who's the next guy?"

            Christina stared at the paper. "Name: Apollo. Occupation: God…"

            "Here's hoping he's not stuck up or stupid.." She paused, then as sweetly as she could (considering they've been doing this all day and she's getting tired and cranky), "Next!"

            Apollo sauntered in, followed by a beam of sunlight, looking a bit too confident with himself. Mel glanced over at Christina with  a look that said 'What did I tell you?' Christina just sighed and quickly moved her legs as Apollo sat down between them.

            "Nice to..meet..you?" Mel greeted, unsure of what to make of the god, but looking him over nonetheless. She turned her gaze to Christina and mouthed 'no, too haughty' in her direction.

            'Give him a chance,' Christina mouthed back. Turning her attention to Apollo, she asked, "Do you..ah..have any special qualifications?" This received no answer from the deity.

            "Don't you have something to say for yourself? Mel asked him.

            Somewhat started, Apollo answered, "You mean my being a god, offering to give you my services as a muse, is not good enough for you?"

            "If it was, do you think we would have gone through three hundred applications before yours?" Mel snapped, her patience wearing quite thin. Apollo glared at her, and it was as though he was growing before their eyes, causing Mel to gulp and slide away from him a bit.

            "You do know it's rather intimidating to interview a god, right?" Christina questioned, tearing his attention away from her friend.

            "But I talk to gods all the time. What's so intimidating about it?"

            "You know damn well what's so-"

            "_You're_ a god. _We_ are not," Christina said, interrupting Mel to save her from saying anything she'd regret later on.

            "...And?"

            Mel rolled her eyes. "Are you always this annoying?"

            "Mel! Don't piss of the deity!" Christina whispered behind Apollo's back. "Just because he isn't worshipped so much anymore doesn't mean he doesn't have the power to kill you!"

            Apollo smirked. "You do know I can hear you, right?"

            Mel sighed. "Fiiiine." She looked at Apollo and sat up straight on her side of the couch. "And we weren't talking to you, were we? Please list your qualifications."

            "Well, I _am_ the god associated with music and the arts," he replied matter-of-factly.

            "That's a good qualification," Mel commented, jotting it down on her notepad. She had put it in her lap for writing down the good and bad things about each applicant, but stopped when they turned out to be more bad than good.

            Looking as bored as someone watching a documentary on the growth cycle of grass, Apollo asked, "Are these questions _really_ necessary?"

            "Yes, they are quite necessary. We don't want to be stuck with a bad muse."

            "And what makes you think I'd be a bad muse?" he inquired, his eyes daring Mel to tell him he wasn't suited for the job.

            "Your attitude for one." She stared back at him defiantly while Christina flinched and mouthed 'Bad move.' "I want a muse who inspires me, not pissing me off." As she wrote some more on her notepad, it suddenly got darker, and thunder could be heard overhead.

            "Meep…Ok Mr. Apollo god sir, it was nice meeting and interviewing you…You certainly meet most, if not all of the requirements of being a muse. Mel and I will talk it over and get back to you once we've made our decision," Christina said, worried that the god might actually harm Mel. Apollo stood up to leave, shook Christina's offered hand, and walked right past Mel without a second glance.

            "Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Mel called out to Apollo's back, waving indifferently. More thunder sounded, and then he was gone. She turned her head toward Christina. "Feisty, isn't he?"

            Christina stretched out her legs once more. "Yup…Soooo, do we keep his application in case he decides to kill us for rejecting him?"

            Mel nodded. "We should, just to be on the safe side. Who's next?"

            Christina checked the next application, and all color drained from her face. "Oh no…"

            "What is it?"

            The next guy to walk in was Bam Margera. The girls looked at each other and cried out "NEXT!" simultaneously. Bam pouted and left quickly.

            "Only one more applicant.."

            The next one walked in, a certain Ville Valo from the Finnish band HIM, looking very much like sex on a stick. The girls' eyes lit up at the sight of their favorite singer standing before them.

            Mel nodded to Christina.

             "Congratulations, you've got the job," Christina said, offering a hand to the musician.

            Ville shook Christina's hand, perplexed, as Mel just smiled at him. 'Really? You don't have any questions for me?"

            "We don't need any!"

            "You're perfect for the job!" Mel said, nodding.

            "Alright then," Ville said, shrugging and walking over to the couch as the girls made room for him. As soon as his near-non-existent ass touched the cushions, Mel attached herself to him and grinned. "You're…touching me."

            "Is that a problem?" Mel asked, touching his knee. Suddenly, the door was thrown open, and in stormed Apollo. "What do _you_ want?"

            "You ask _me_, a _god_, what my qualifications are, but when he," he pointed at a somewhat frightened Ville, "comes in, you hire him on the spot?"

            Seeing as how Mel's attention was no longer on him, Ville took the opportunity to sneak away and blend in with the shadows. How dark.

            "He is very qualified!" Mel argued, looking to the spot where the singer had been just moments ago. "Hey, where'd he run off to?"

            "Qualified?! You don't know anything about him!"

            "Let me show you something," Mel said, getting up and leading Apollo into her room so he could see the multitude of Ville posters on the walls, and the various HIM cds scattered on the floor. "Still think we don't know anything about him?"

            "Oh. But you still don't really _know_ him."

            "Um..well, we know him well enough. He wins, you lose, don't be such a bad sport about it," Mel said, patting Apollo on the back before running off to find Ville. Apollo was left in Mel's room, a place he didn't really want to stay, seeing as how Ville's face basically served as a sort of wallpaper. Sulking, he wandered off into Christina's room.

            "Mel! Ville's in here!" Christina paused, listening for Mel running. "And we're going to watch Labyrinth now!"

            "Ooooh, ok!" Mel ran back into the other room and launched herself on the couch to reattach herself to their new muse. "Let the watching begin!"

            "Let go of me," Ville ordered.

            Mel sighed. "Fine." Her hands moved to her lap, but she stayed close to him.

            He slid a little bit away from Mel, and pointed at her, then Christina, saying, "Stay."

            "Mel, just press play and let's watch."

            "Ok!" Mel cried, grabbing the remote.

            "Soon they had watched the movie four times already, much to Ville's chagrin. Before starting it for the fifth time, Christina heard movement in her room. 

            "Is he in my room?"

            "Who?" Mel asked, tearing her eyes away from Ville long enough to look at Christina. "Oh, Apollo? Sounds like it."

            Christina went wide-eyed, and the blood drained from her face. "What is he doing in my room?"

            "Looking through your panty drawer?' Mel suggested, smirking at Christina.

            "Why would he do that? It's not like there's anything interesting in there."

            "What if he's sniffing them?"

            "Meep!" squealed Christina as she dove behind Ville.

            "Now _you're_ touching me!"

            "Shut up, Town, you should be used to it by now with all your fans."

            "Ewwww, that's just gross! I'm glad he's in your room and not mine."

            Christina stuck her tongue out at Mel. "Shush, you. Now I _really_ want to find out what he's doing in there."

            Mel giggled. "Maybe you should go look then?"

            "I'm scared," Christina admitted, hiding her face in Ville's shoulder.

            "What is it with you two and touching me?" Ville whined.

            "You're sexy, now shut up about it. Will you come with me, Mel?" Christina asked hopefully.

            "Fiiiiine, but he has to come too," Mel said, pointing at Ville.

            "Alright, alright. We can put a leash on him."

            "Perfect! Where's the leash?"

            "In my desk drawer, answered Christina.

            Mel crossed over to Christina's side of the room to fetch the leash, finding it easily. "Here it is!" she exclaimed happily, advancing on the nervous Ville.

            "I'll go along with you willingly, you know."

            Mel raised an eyebrow. "You will?"

            Ville just sighed as Christina cleared her throat. "Can we go now? He's still in my room…"

            "Yes, let's go," Mel said, shoving Christina in the direction of her room. Christina promptly 'meep!'ed and darted behind Ville once again, shoving him in front. Mel hid behind Ville as well, partly in fear of Apollo doing something to harm her, but mostly so she could check out Ville's tiny buttocks. 

            Ville walked into the room, sighed, and repeated "I applied for this job" to himself. Inside, Apollo is sitting at Christina's computer, chatting over AIM with someone.

            "Wow, he's a smart god," Mel commented, peeking out from behind Ville, "Figured out the computer already."

            "Who's he talking to? He's not pretending to be me, is he?" Peering out from behind Ville, Christina addressed Apollo. "What are you doing?"

            "Oh, hello there…I was just, um…I was, ah…marveling at this contraption."

            Christina forgot her fears and made her way over to him. Peering over his shoulder, she realized, "You're talking to Reese!"

            "Is he flirting with Reese? I could tell by looking at him he was "that" way," Mel said, smirking.

            "I'm quite skilled with a bow and arrow as well," Apollo retorted, glaring daggers at Mel, who hid behind Ville with a quick "meep!". He stood up tall and straight, light radiating from him as he laughed.

            "Laugh all you want, I've got a nice view back here, and I might never come out."

            "I'll quit if you don't, " Ville said.

            "No quitting!"

            As all this unfolded, Christina sat down in the chair to read the conversation from the start. As she gets through it, her face turns as red as a strawberry.

            "Oh my…" she said quietly.

            "What is it?" Mel inquired, walking toward the computer to get a better look. Still blushing, Christina got up so Mel could read it. A grin appeared on her face, and she grew smug. "Somebody likes you!"

            Christina only blushed more before hiding behind Ville.

            "Woah! What are you doing?"

            "Hiding myself in your shirt. Now shut up, muse, and protect me."

            Ville sighed. "Since when does a muse have to be a bodyguard?"

            "Since a god has taken interest in me."

            Mel continued reading the conversation as Apollo stood rooted to the floor, his mouth opening and closing in shock.

            "He liiiiiiikes you! He wants to daaaate you. He wants to kiiiiiiissss you!" Mel said smugly, getting up and dancing around.

            "Stop that!" Apollo ordered, grabbing her shirt collar to stop her.

            "Ack! Don't pull so hard!" yelled Mel, pouting as she rubbed her neck. "That hurt…"

            Apollo let go of her shirt. "Good girl." He closed the IM window, and said, "I think I'll be leaving now."

            As he passed Mel, she whispered "She's single too!"

            "MEL!" yelled Christina.

            "What?" Mel replied, trying her best to look innocent. She watched the deity exit the room and stood close to Ville. "Bye bye Mr. God Sir!"

            Mel giggled as Apollo grumbled a goodbye and finally disappeared from their living space.

            "Would you please get out of my shirt now? Your hands are quite cold."

            Mel stared at Ville, an eyebrow raised. "He's testy, isn't he?"

            Christina giggled, then removed herself from Ville's shirt. "Why did you tell him I'm single?!" she questioned, hitting Mel.

            "Ow! It slipped out?" Mel answered, shrugging.

            Christina sighed. "Let's just go back and watch the movie."

            "Yes! Labyrinth again!"

            The two girls dragged their brand-spanking-new muse back to the couch and situated themselves so that Christina was using Ville as a foot rest and Mel once again attached herself to him.

            As Mel pressed play, she wondered aloud, "I wonder if that bulge is real…" while staring at Jareth on the screen.

            "It should be…" Christina said, giggling, "You can see the bulge in all its naked glory in The Man Who Fell to Earth."

            "You can?" Mel asked, on the verge of drooling.

            "Of course, wifey."

            Mel giggled and continued clinging to Ville's arm.

            "Stop it wih the touching," Ville ordered.

            Mel slid her hands into her lap and pouted. "You're no fun."

            "I don't even know you yet, sheesh."

            "SHH! BULGE!" Christina hissed.

            "How many times do you have to see his bulge?" asked Ville after the seventh viewing of Labyrinth. In response, Christina grabbed Mel's notepad and pencil and started to write. A few moments later, the pad landed in Ville's lap. He picked it up, looked at it, and saw that the page was filled with nines.

            "That's not even a real number."

            "Damn you and your logic!" Christina said, shaking her fist. "You're supposed to _promote_ creativity."

            "That's not creativity, it's just silly."

            "We want to see it a google amount of times, alright?" Mel told him. A few moments went by and up went her eyebrow. "You're not jealous of the bulge, are you?"

            "Of course not," Ville said, shifting in his seat.

            "He is!" shouted Christina.

            "I AM NOT!" Ville screamed.

            "Then let us see," Mel said, smirking.

            Christina poked Ville's thigh. "Yea, show us!"

            Ville hid his face in his hand and groaned. "Why do I suddenly regret taking this job?"

            Mel tugged at the button on his pants "Shut up and take off your pants."

            "No."

            "Ok, then I'll do it for you," Mel said.

            'You do and I'll…I'll…"

            "You'll what?"

            "I'll…" Ville glanced at the television screen. "I'll say the words!"

            "What words?"

            "The words you say to make the goblins take someone away."

            "PANTS. OFF. NOW," Mel commanded.

            "I wish…" Ville started, as a warning.

            Christina smacked his arm lightly. "We were just joking!" Ville looked at her then nodded toward Mel, an eyebrow raised. "Ok, so maybe that was just me."

            Mel pointed at Ville, a crazed glint in her eyes. "OFF WITH HIS PANTS! OFF WITH HIS PANTS!" She launched herself at him, the force causing them to tumble over the back of the couch. "PAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS!"

            "That's IT! I wish the goblins would come and take you away-" Mel stopped pulling at his pants, and the girls gasped. "-RIGHT NOW."


End file.
